you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
