Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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