In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
