Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
