wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
