Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
