i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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