Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
