This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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