I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
