I just made out with a guy for $7.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
