Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
