I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
