Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
