I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
