I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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