Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
