Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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