her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
