Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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