then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
