do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
