Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
