dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize