we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So much rum. So many feels.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
why is half of my head shaved?
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