Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
