All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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