This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize