id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
