Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize