he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
