I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
