You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
