Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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