On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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