I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
accomplished twins. life is a go
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
