Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
