I will die if light touches me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
