Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
