I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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