Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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