the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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