guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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