i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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