i think i scared a bird with my dick
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize