somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
