so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
