I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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