The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
