is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
