ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize