I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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