i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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