i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
