I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
