im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
