Umm I'm too high to move.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
