i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
