I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
