Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
