So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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