Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
