you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize