I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
