Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
