my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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