Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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