I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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