I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
