I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
