Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
