i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
