I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she told me i tasted like america
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
