got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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