i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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