the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
